1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
