i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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