i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
