Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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