you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
