dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
