If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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