her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
