Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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