kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
