If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
