Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
