There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
is that a dick in a sweater?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
