Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
