you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize