Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
