the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize