On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
should my penis look like a turkey
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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