The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
