Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
