K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
