I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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