bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
