hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
