wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
