the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
