you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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