im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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