i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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