Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
