Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize