So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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