I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
vagina is talking i cant
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
