I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
