i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
