just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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