I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
