I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i need an iv and a liver transplant
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
