from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize