you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
