Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
