she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
