you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
this beer tastes like vomit already
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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