There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
