We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
