This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
