Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
