I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize