i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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