I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
