I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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