my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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