you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I could fuck to npr.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
