Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
