Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
