Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
