I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
