She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
