I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
