Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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