i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
