I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
