Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
